Finally I have my own Open Letter to a Person or Entity That is Unlikely to Respond; I wonder if McSweeney’s will have me. – sog
Dear Major League Baseball,
I love you. I love your product, I love your expensive merchandise, I love your employees, and most of all, I love my Boston Red Sox. My friends and family periodically contemplate involuntary committal because of how I feel about you. So why won’t you let me love you?
Like the restraining order so beautifully and creepily lamented by Mr. E, your byzantine blackout restrictions are keeping us apart (see inset picture).
I love you so much that I pay your BFF DirecTV $12 per month for their “Sports” package, of which I only watch NESN. I also happily make four easy payments of $39.99 for your Extra Innings package, which you promised would allow me to watch any game I want, even – or especially – if I’m far from home.
But you’ve chosen, instead, to take the love away. When I showed up for our previously agreed on meeting today, I was crushed to see that you didn’t bother to turn up. Today’s game – a home contest for the good guys – is unavailable to me for reasons that are clear to no one (see inset picture, again). I assumed, of course, that this had to be someone else’s fault, but the nice lady I spoke with at DirecTV gently informed me that this wasn’t their doing, but yours. Why, MLB, why? She didn’t know, and consoled me that “it didn’t make much sense”.
Is it that you feel that I don’t love you enough? You’re disappointed, perhaps, that I’m not also paying you for an MLB.tv subscription? I told you about that – you just don’t support my operating system. Also, my TV viewing area is 37 inches while my laptop’ is 12.1. It’s nothing personal.
I feel like I don’t even know you anymore. While I’ll fly halfway across the country to sit in freezing rain and high winds to be with you, you won’t even show up for a lazy Saturday afternoon date – despite the fact that I paid you to.
For shame, MLB, for shame. As Leslie Nielsen once said, “we really could have been something together.”
Sincerely yours,
Stephen O’Grady
P.S. In a related matter, you might think of informing your other suitors that the combination of Firefox/MediaPlayerConnectivity/VLC will at least work for the Gameday Audio they’ve paid you for.
