In case you’re wondering where I’ve been all day, the answer is a plane. Based on that statement, and the title of this post, the logical conclusion might be that I’ve been delayed. That conclusion, however, would be false. I actually arrived in Boston well ahead of schedule (by my standards, anyhow, as we were only a couple of minutes behind).
My problem with United is instead its propensity to nickel and dime customers. Southwest is currently running ads that mock this tendency, sarcastically describing an airline that charges its customers to use the restroom. In United’s case, I’m actually inclined to believe it’s just a matter of time until this occurs.
The food, I could care less about: it tastes just as bad when you pay for it as it did when it was free. But today’s flight from Denver to Boston was rather undersold – not unusual for a Tuesday flight – and in particular had a grand total of zero people occupying the exit row seats, which frequent travellers know are the best seats in the house in terms of legroom (with the exception of First Class). Checking in at the gate, I was told that I could upgrade to these seats for a fee of $41.
The fee itself may seem relatively insignificant, until you consider that a.) the passengers in those seats are required to assist in the case of an emergency (however unlikely), and b.) precisely zero of the airlines I travel impose similar fees. Not American, not Frontier, not JetBlue, not Southwest, no one. Just United.
To make matters worse, United orders planes configured for populations that match medieval demograpics in terms of height. At six two, I’m not exactly NBA material, but you wouldn’t know it from the way I have to shoehorn myself into United’s standard seat. They have so little space, in fact, that I’ve been forced to develop a new seating strategy: select only those seats that have no passenger sitting in front of you – even if they are middle seats.
As a result, I really hate United. Some of you are probably wondering how I’m not a premium passenger on United given the amount I fly, but I’d simply answer that with a question of my own: given how poorly they treat non-premium customers, how exactly am I incented to earn that status?
